NOT!!!

   I think it is time to explain why I use the metaphor of a carnival ride to symbolize my current situation.  Really I should have used a hamster wheel.  You see as a single parent of 4 children with no other help (no child support) I copped out and went from being an underpaid, overworked social worker to working for The Man.  I was paid very well, worked harder, longer and paid a higher tax rate than Buffet.  In the 6 years since I haven't even made in one year what I used to pay in taxes for a year. [The IRS was not happy about this, still wanting all that money.]
   My life was like a merry-go-round. Everyone was happy. My kids, my grandkids, the IRS. As long as I kept going around and around, up and down throwing money at them.  My life was a blur, I was dizzy, and very unhappy.  Every day I was reminded that I didn't belong in a 'man's shop'. (I'll save that rant for another post.)
    So with my degree in one pocket, my journeyman's card in another pocket and Plan C in hand, I really thought it would be OK.  I wouldn't have as much money, but hey I never saw it anyway, since I over-generously gave it away. My kids were all out of the house so I only had to worry about me--and the dogs.
   I am intelligent, responsible, skilled, drug-free, no criminal activity, reasonably attractive---------everything was not only going to be OK, it was the adventure I always wanted. I could finally be free to pursue my own agenda instead of everyone else's.  It was going to be A-OK!

                                                                 NOT!!!
   It was an adventure the first 2 years. Then I went back to MI for a visit. (More on that later) I ran out of money, couldn't find a job and now I do not exist to anyone; not even the government. I am the walking dead and if I would just go quietly away everyone would be happy.

                                                                    NOT!!!
   Me suicidal? Not even close. When my time comes I'll go out kicking and screaming thank you. If you didn't hear me when I was here, you'll damn well hear me leaving. 
     As divided as politics are between the Republicans and the Democrats, Life seems to be just that polarized for me. There is either slave away for The Man or do nothing.  No wonder I'm in trouble I always looked for a 3rd party, independent me.  So why on earth would I want to get back on the hamster wheel?  I don't. I just haven't figured out my 3rd option yet.  Independent me.